Dear Love bugs. . .
Today's post is a little different than the normal fashion post. This post starts with what happened this morning. . .
I woke up actually before my alarm clock Smile on my face (what was it that dream about?). . . I reach for my phone still smile on my face thinking "Wow its sunny out!" (that's all I really need to be happy just some sunshine). . . As I check my text from last night (no nothing hysterical about my friend and some random one night stand like the website I WISH) . . . The text was probably the most horrific text I have ever read in my life . . .
Friend: Yo, your 29th Birthday is in a week - - - what are we doing HOOCH!
and now that smile on my face is wiped off - - and I lay there thinking what do you mean TWENTY NINE? Why are you lying I am only 19 RIGHT? Where did 10 years go? WAIT . . . WAIT. . . wait a minute ~ for real? This is the end of my 20s . . . ??? My youth is it gone? After a little thought I try an accept this news . . . I should be an adult now So I try to think of something profound to say like perhaps we will be mature go and do something grown ups do . . Quick I run to look up what do grown ups do for birthdays . . . Not satisfied with the results I find I think to myself . . . Wow thats wak!
An even more profound thought hits me. . .
FUCK THAT - - - I WANNA GO PARTY . . . (yes I did curse)
I don't know what will come of this year - to be honest I didn't even expect to make it here but I am - - and it Doesn't really look like I am going anywhere . . .
So, now i must think about doing what most my friends have already done - married, kids, careers, blah blah blah but me? No I've pushed it off . . . as I shout. . . I don't wanna grow up I wanna be a Toys R Us kid I never wanna grow up . . .I must realize until now nothing was ever serious and life was just a fun dream but maybe just maybe now I have to WAKE UP . . . try to enjoy it???
Say Goodbye to my twentys but how can I so much has happened in my 20s - - As I sit back and revisit the memories of it all . . . Damn that all happened in only 10 years? I fell in love fell - fell out of love- got my heart broken - broke some hearts - made friends lost friends - grew intellectually and physically (no not vertically but horizontally) - I've seen the scale of life go up and down and up . . .
So, EMBRACE IT- is what I must do . . . I embrace my the crows feet on my face (yes I saw them this morning as I applied my Oil of Olay )because they were made due to all the times I've laughed so hard it hurt . . . or cried so much I hurt no more . . . I will embrace the fact I cant really just eat anything I want anymore - and the next relationship might just be THE relationship. . . and sometime soon kids will come along and I (gasp) will have to be a grown up - - will I ever really be grown up? How can you go from feeling like your 19 to being a grown up just like that? I will embrace that one day I will fall in love again and No not with a man . . . but first my career (the one ive busted my butt to make happen) and than when its TIME . . . . a baby . . . A little person who will make me truelly understand why I must get older and why I must grow up . . . someone who I will sit and tell all the memories that are now lessons that I've made over the years . . I will tell him/her that mamma never wanted to grow up but she knew it was time however they wont know my little secret although I maybe grown in age I will still always be that TOYS R US KID . .